Through My Eyes

 Often enough, the universe whispers to us warnings, subtly as if trying not to let the people in the room with you know and then out of nowhere if you don't listen it stands in your face and screams. A lot of us never listen to the whispers, infact we ignore the whispers completely. We ignore that friend who centers men in every action until they ditch you in unsafe places for men. We ignore the whispers that tell you, you do not count in their lives as much as they do in yours until the universe forces them to pick their real ones and you don't fit the bill.  I think we ignore warnings because humans are hard wired to want to be the exception. The one it could never happen to so we go into situations that we know don't have a positive out come just for the chance to say it didn't happen to me. To feel like you're different. Truth is, we are not that different, In fact you'd find that we are more similar than we are different. It could definitely happen to you,

Don't kill me just yet, I know it's been a minute. There's been a lot going on between school, life, family, friends, feeling etc. Its just been a lot and I needed the time.  As I type this, I'm halfway through packing up my things at res and I sorta gave up half way through, I'm not sure how and when I got this much stuff but now the challenge is how I'm gonna get it to fit in my dad's car. He tells me all the time that my things seem to keep increasing, only this time when he tells me he'll be picking up from res for the last time. I'm leaving never to return to NUL. All the times I had imagined leaving this place, I imagined I'd be emotional, inconsolable even. I kept having conversations about how it was gonna be a lot to say good bye to 4years of my life. I remember one conversations where I said, I don't think I want my dad to talk to me after he picks me up cause I might break down. Another where I was telling the other person that I h

 I was curating the month's photo dump for twitter and my Instagram account when it hit me, I'VE HAD ONE HELL OF A MONTH. I don't think I had taken the time to look through my pictures until today, or let me put it like this, I had pushed the struggles of the month so far in my subconscious that I hadn't truly realized how intense it has been.  At the beginning of March I found myself in hospital. I got sick, which isn't too out of the ordinary for me but I had never been sick to that extent. I spent a straight week in the hospital after spending another week in and out of the hospital. The experience was just as you'd think, but I had made a friend in the ward and it made the experience a little better.  In her late 60's my roomie was the life of the party, you could tell she'd lived a full life and continues to want to live to her fullest. A little old fashioned but yiu know nothing not to be expected. Her insight into life was my favorite thing, she h

 When you see this/ read this it will be Christmas or the day after or as I like to call it my birthday. Yes, I have the same birthday as the big guy. No, it is not fun and no, people don't gift you any better just cause you're born on Santa Claus’s big day and capitalism's finest scam. I'll be 22, or in your case when you see this, I'm 22. weird.  My 21st year has been such a whirlwind. the highs were so high you'd swear I would never feel low again. And when those lows hit?? it was a knockout, a hit right in the solar plexus. horrible, horrible, pain. I feel like I should have a particular lesson or lessons that I can say I learnt but honestly, I can’t put my finger on it, I know I learnt some harsh truths and they have shaped who I am now but I can’t explain it yet. I think the strongest theme for my year was awareness. I stay realizing, I stay becoming aware of old habits, thought patterns, insecurities, fears, triggers, new loves, new habits, all of that.

 I’ve been so wrapped up in my own emotions or pretty much so wrapped up in my efforts to stop feeling that I pretty much shut everything off for the last month or so. I know I’m doing it again because I haven’t been able to write anything on here and I don’t even know if this will be the first to make it out of the drafts.  You know how in books or movie they'll throw in a crazy plot twist or a tragedy or a betrayal just so that the main character can learn something, become someone, and have their moment? or that point in the bad guy's life where they decide that the course, they are taking is villainhood?? I think they call it a villain arc?? whatever you may wanna call it I’m just simply going through it. I keep saying, that my life is a low budget horror film, and I’m the main character in this franchise surviving every single time. and in any other case I’d be happy to "overcome" but what doesn’t kill you leaves you with trauma and in turn therapists bills (an

 Hey.  A month ago, literally. I found myself recovering from an emergency surgery and would a week later be diagnosed with Endometriosis. I mean yeah I always knew that the type of menstrual pain I kept having wasn't normal but I didn't wanna be a baby about it. What I did not expect however is the sort of avalanche that it triggered it my life. Sorta making me aware of things I had not seen before and even those I had purposefully ignored for a long time because of fear. When I was at home recovering next to my mum, and she'd tell me all these home remedies for women, she'd say "you're old now, a woman now". I thought and do get what she meant, my body is changing leaving behind childhood, worry free and pain free existence. I always laughed and said I didn't want to grow up, that I was still her little baby. I do know that she didn't think of it like I'm seeing it now, like I'm seeing it Manifest in my emotional and mental well being, an