Through My Eyes

 This is probably the part where i explain why i stopped writting on here consistently.... Unfortunately today is not that day.  You know how when you are planting crops, depending on what it is it can take anywhere from a few days to a few weeks to see those little seedlings? And even then its sometimes about 6 months until you reap the rewards and enjoy the fruits of your labour? And trees, think about how a peach tree take even longer to reach maturity? yes now that we have that picture in mind. Think about your life, do you see where i am going with this?  I partly believe in astrology and numerology( i can feel you roll your eyes, keep reading theres a point to this); in astrology theres 12 houses, all with house planets and all that jazz, thats not where i am. What i am getting at is that the 12th house, often signifies endings, closing of chapters e.t.c and 1st houses as you can already guess are about beginings, newness. In numerology, your personal year number is...

  Let's talk about privilege. Before we get into the nitty gritty of this topic we must first establish that I've had a light addiction to Big Brother since 2020. it waxes and wanes depending on how busy i am but an obsession regardless. Now you're probably thinking "What's that got to do with privilege?" well patience. it will all make sense in a bit. and yes i know, it is a bit wild for me to come back here and pretend i haven't been gone for at least 9 months now.... that i can't explain. at least not now.  Now for context i must let you know how i found myself thinking about Privilege. In line with my usual obsession, I'm currently watching big brother and today the topic of struggle came up. Someone did not like being associated with their money or people thinking that because they had money they did not struggle. Valid. but it also got me thinking. No one ever said that they didn't struggle. and that right there is what got me thinking ab...

 Often enough, the universe whispers to us warnings, subtly as if trying not to let the people in the room with you know and then out of nowhere if you don't listen it stands in your face and screams. A lot of us never listen to the whispers, infact we ignore the whispers completely. We ignore that friend who centers men in every action until they ditch you in unsafe places for men. We ignore the whispers that tell you, you do not count in their lives as much as they do in yours until the universe forces them to pick their real ones and you don't fit the bill.  I think we ignore warnings because humans are hard wired to want to be the exception. The one it could never happen to so we go into situations that we know don't have a positive out come just for the chance to say it didn't happen to me. To feel like you're different. Truth is, we are not that different, In fact you'd find that we are more similar than we are different. It could definitely happen to you,...

Don't kill me just yet, I know it's been a minute. There's been a lot going on between school, life, family, friends, feeling etc. Its just been a lot and I needed the time.  As I type this, I'm halfway through packing up my things at res and I sorta gave up half way through, I'm not sure how and when I got this much stuff but now the challenge is how I'm gonna get it to fit in my dad's car. He tells me all the time that my things seem to keep increasing, only this time when he tells me he'll be picking up from res for the last time. I'm leaving never to return to NUL. All the times I had imagined leaving this place, I imagined I'd be emotional, inconsolable even. I kept having conversations about how it was gonna be a lot to say good bye to 4years of my life. I remember one conversations where I said, I don't think I want my dad to talk to me after he picks me up cause I might break down. Another where I was telling the other person that I h...

 I was curating the month's photo dump for twitter and my Instagram account when it hit me, I'VE HAD ONE HELL OF A MONTH. I don't think I had taken the time to look through my pictures until today, or let me put it like this, I had pushed the struggles of the month so far in my subconscious that I hadn't truly realized how intense it has been.  At the beginning of March I found myself in hospital. I got sick, which isn't too out of the ordinary for me but I had never been sick to that extent. I spent a straight week in the hospital after spending another week in and out of the hospital. The experience was just as you'd think, but I had made a friend in the ward and it made the experience a little better.  In her late 60's my roomie was the life of the party, you could tell she'd lived a full life and continues to want to live to her fullest. A little old fashioned but yiu know nothing not to be expected. Her insight into life was my favorite thing, she h...

 When you see this/ read this it will be Christmas or the day after or as I like to call it my birthday. Yes, I have the same birthday as the big guy. No, it is not fun and no, people don't gift you any better just cause you're born on Santa Claus’s big day and capitalism's finest scam. I'll be 22, or in your case when you see this, I'm 22. weird.  My 21st year has been such a whirlwind. the highs were so high you'd swear I would never feel low again. And when those lows hit?? it was a knockout, a hit right in the solar plexus. horrible, horrible, pain. I feel like I should have a particular lesson or lessons that I can say I learnt but honestly, I can’t put my finger on it, I know I learnt some harsh truths and they have shaped who I am now but I can’t explain it yet. I think the strongest theme for my year was awareness. I stay realizing, I stay becoming aware of old habits, thought patterns, insecurities, fears, triggers, new loves, new habits, all of that....