Through my eyes

you know that thing that we do? that thing where we pretend, we aren’t as hurt as we really are, as disappointed and my personal favourite, that we aren’t as messed up as we really are. that thing where we pretend that we are alright? meanwhile you downed a little more liquor that you usually do, you smoked just a little more and you haven’t been eating very well except for the junk food you stuff your body with. well, I’m an expect in that field, I get my tolerance up every week, not seriously. every new week I find out that I can handle a lot more than I think and I can definitely do this more often. Only we all know it doesn’t fill that void now does it.  lately I have been feeling, meh. literally meh. no sort of excitement just meh. it’s not a whole per say, it’s just one of those periods where everything is constantly changing, you are learning so much about yourself and the people around you that there isn’t any time to feel emotion. you are sorta just living, just wingin it....

Last I was here was about 5 weeks back, 3 weeks into working at a mental institution and the last time I remember having anything to share. While I was MIA I, met a boy and liked a boy. I met creepy older man who tried to  hit on me at work, I turned him down, I didn’t report him, I was too chicken. I signed up for tinder matched with an old acquaintance, gave said acquaintance my number. We talked then said acquaintance ghosted. Boy mentioned above and I made out, made plans then said boy also ghosted. I met old school mates, made new enemies in the form of patients who think they know better, feared for my life, and caught a cold. I started a new series and finished it in a day, discovered I like the smell of rose scented incense and had vivid dreams about a boy I used to write about and dates I think should mean something but don't. I also made a new online shopping account, added things to my cart with no financial capability of clearing the cart but then again, the lord will...

Imagine this, you are sitting in a restaurant with your mother, the waiter brings back the wrong order, your mom notices and she tells you to tell the waiter that that’s not what you ordered, you tell her its fine, that you think you should try new things instead but she still insists.  she calls for your waitress. Your heart starts pounding, your hands start getting sweaty, your hands start to tremble. You stutter as you try to explain why you would rather settle for the food In front of you. You excuse yourself to the bathroom, living your mother to handle the food issue. Or better yet, you go out with your friends. Celebrate your youth you know. Then mid-sentence, in the middle of your favourite song, the room starts spinning. The temperature starts rising. you’re sweating now and between the bodies rubbing against each other in dance and the alcohol in your hands you don’t know which one is causing this sudden heat. You run outside, no words said. just clenching teeth an...

  Well, it’s been hectic. It sorta feels like I am in a bad movie with a low budget and even worse food on set. Long story short June was longggggggggggg (I could make that word longer but you get the point it was really long). Weird isn’t it, how 30 days can feel so dragged out. Anyway, I think I am okay. Life has definitely been doing the life things and I haven’t wrapped my head around it yet. Adulting looks so much easier from the benches. Let’s leave June. And get into love, more specifically love languages. And no, we aren’t talking about French. Although the best way to get to my heart is through French and a trip to Paris. For most of us we know what love languages are, we know that they are the way we give and receive love, we know that there are five love languages, namely, words of affirmation, physical touch, quality time, acts of service, and receiving gifts. What we normally never really give a lot of thought to is how they affect our relationships with others. Ea...

 Hey,  This is very awkward for me; I feel like I am talking to myself and I probably am but that’s beside the point. By now you can tell just from the first line that I am bad at this, not seriously don’t expect much. expect me to try and be honest though, to take feedback, to take advice and improve. Most importantly expect the unexpected 😂😂😂😂😂 I’m just playing around; I am very predictable. I mean that’s what you get for being the mother of the group (My friends might disagree, but that’s their business). If you happen to read this and think wow, she doesn’t get to the point.... I hardly ever do. there is not much of a point to this particular post anyway, I’m literally sitting in the kitchen having just created this blog and also very anxious about how it will be received, or if I say something politically wrong then get cancelled 🙄🤣 I am not sure if you get cancelled even if you aren’t famous but let me know in the comments.  Initially the point was to...