JUST PLAY MARIA ISABEL'S BUY YOUR OWN FLOWERS FOR ME..........

 

 Bear with me, I have a lot to say and it’s a little disorganised.

I remember in one post speaking on the importance of loving the people in your life in their love language. I don’t think however I stressed the importance of also allowing yourself the grace to leave if the same is not reciprocated. I can’t stress enough you can’t always be the one who is trying to love someone the way they deserve to be loved, you deserve to be loved just as aggressively, just as intentionally and you shouldn’t settle. I say this because I realise now more than ever that some people were never my friends to begin with, yeah, we hung out, you have my number but all that person is, is an acquaintance. Because as far as I’m concerned you can’t call me your friend and only take, take, and take from me. You can’t be my friend if you can’t love me the way I deserve to be loved, when I’m the only one making sure you are loved as you deserve to be. This applies to romantic partners too. I deserve to be loved intentionally and ill be damned if I compromise that. Letting go however is harder than we might imagine, letting go off a friendship is not talked about as often as we should. Which bring me to my next point…

Grief is horrible. Mourning a friendship hurts. I think it hurts worse because they are still alive, and because for what ever its worth standing, they played a huge part in your life for a certain amount of time. We neglect to mourn the people we have let go because they weren’t good for us because we think we should feel happy that they are gone. That we should feel better that they no longer in our lives and can no longer hurt us, but damn… their betrayal does not and will not ever erase their impact, the memories, and the love you have for them. It sure as hell wont fill that gaping hole they leave once they are gone. It’s okay to miss people who weren’t good for you, you loved them, they were in your life, you’re only human. Its however not ever in your best interest to go back where you aren’t wanted, where you aren’t appreciated and where you aren’t loved as you deserve to be. Mourn that friendship but remember the dead shouldn’t have a hold over you.

Also, I think I was right, but anyway when I’m I ever not?? My hand are little earthquakes, ask the last 2 people who have tried to love me. 8.9 magnitude earthquakes. Leaving nothing but destruction in their wake. And I said in a fit of anger the other day that if I could, I would go back in time to just change how things have ended. I don’t want to anymore. Am I remorseful of how I treated the people who showed me affection and care yes, but am I gonna regret the experience? Nope. Not even close. There’s nothing to regret, there’s only memories of love and lessons learnt. I can’t change who the villain is in those stories, but this villain has finally learned how to be gentle, how to take care of someone, how to express their love fully, this villain is getting help, this villain doesn’t want to be the villain any longer. And this villain will always be the villain in those stories but I can not wait exit that role. I can not wait to be on the good side of the story next time. And I know. Its probably a little narcissistic, maybe borderline egotistical too, but I believe wholeheartedly believe that sometimes you have to be bad to be good, you don’t intentionally become bad, but you’ll always be in someone’s story. And there will always be one truth, that lessons were learnt on both sides, what lessons you chose to learn is up to you. Up to whatever role you wanna play next. Personally, I wouldn’t recommend you sign up for the part of the villain if you have a choice.

Okay, I’m almost done.

 In the past few weeks, the spotlight as shined on mental health and mental illness, I mean that’s a whole post all together but damn. A lot of us really be going through it and really the least you could do is be kind and educate yourself. What the media shows you?? It may not always be the whole truth; it sometimes is romanticised. talk to the people who have been through it, talk to professionals, be empathetic. LISTEN. For a moment take your time to listen to the people who know, listen to the hearts that have bled out on to the ground because nobody could help them. And to the people who have been who are currently facing some challenges in that department (me included), I hope it gets better. I hope you see the light. I hope you tell your story; I hope you put a face to the stories. I hope we are brave enough to give ourselves the grace to not have it all together, brave enough to get help. Brave enough to make our lives about us. You are loved. You are appreciated. And you are worthy of this life. Take care of yourselves, emotionally, mentally, and physically too.

Let me wrap it up by saying, we are more than capable to be the people we want to be. We are worthy of all of the greatness and prosperity that is coming towards us. And we are no less worthy of love and kindness because we have bigger “flaws” than others.